babydoll's blog: "me"

This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'." "That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead. You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He says to the doctor, "I've felt so weird lately, Doc, can you tell me what's wrong?" The doctor replied, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!"

A Kiwi is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes. The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?""" No," he replies, "I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it. The Kiwi explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically. The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'' The Kiwi taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's running about an hour fast, can I buy you a drink?"

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Dear Sweetheart, I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses... You are my sweetheart. Your husband Allen. *His Wife replied back after some days to her Husband* Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details. 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk. 2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses. 3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent. 4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items..... 5. Other expenses 40 kisses Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I Hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!! Your Sweet Heart.

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know " he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

I look into your eyes Where I used to see my future Now within them Is just one big blur They used to fill me with love Sent straight to my heart Now the reflection I see Is us falling apart What happen to use Or , what happen to you I used to be safe In your eyes so blue Now blue is my heart Bruissed and broken on the floor And feel so alone need I say any more You've pushed me away And your eyes they lie I keep falling for them And they keep making mine cry I keep giving you chances to dry up my tears But within a blink of an eye You keep replacing my fears And these broken glass tears Just keep falling to the ground Dropping like lead Though the shatter without a sound And as I lie here alone your eyes , all I can see So I softly close mine and set myself free.

You anger me You frustrate me You make me cry You make me sad But You've made me smile You've made me laugh You help me feel special You help me feel good I don't know how to feel I'm so confused So upset But I keep putting up with this And that leads me to believe That there must be something Something good about You