GothicCowgirl2002Mistress of the Shadows...'s blog: "SHAWNA'S BLOGS"

Do You Have A Vagina? A housewife is at home when she suddenly hears a knock on the door. When she opens the door a man asks her if she has a vagina. The woman slams the door in disbelief at what a stranger has just asked her. The same thing happens for three consecutive days and the woman decides to tell her husband. The husband says to the wife, "Tomorrow I am not going to work and when the man asks if you have a vagina, say 'yes' and I will be hiding behind the door." The next day the same man comes again, and when the woman opens the door he asks if she has a vagina. The woman says, "Yes". The man then said, "Good! Then please tell your husband to stop screwing my wife."

HER BEAUTIFUL BEADS OF DEATH BY SHAWNA BEACH Tears stream down her face, as her heart is breaking, her heart is heavy as lead. Desperately her cries for help, are swallowed by her sobs. And the only thing that gleams is the blade, with delicate percision, the razor tears the milky skin. A deadly bracelet of crimson beads are forming, the rush, making her light headed. And she trembling which gives way to chills of excitement. Another slash her high intensifies. A suckulating and sicking feeling of happiness overcomes her. All is forgotten except those beadas, Her Beautiful Beads of Death. Yes, all is forgotten as she dies in my arms. HER BEAUTIFUL BLOODY BEADS OF DEATH KILLED HER!

1. I've come to realize that my most recent ex... WAS A DUMBASS AND A LOSER 2. I am listening to... REHAB SITTN IN A BAR 3. I talk... TO ANYONE THAT WANTS TO TALK AS LONG AS THERE NOT AN ASSHOLE 4. I love... MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS 5. My best friends... AIGHT 6. My first kiss was... EXCITING 7. I wish... I MADE PEOPLE HAPPY 8. I hate it when people... LIE AND BE RETARDED 9. Love is... A HEART RENCHING DISASTER AT TIMES AND OFTEN TIMES MORE CONFUSING THAN ITS WORTH . 10. Marriage is... NICE UNLESS U FIND AN ASSHOLE 11. Somewhere, someone is thinking... ABOUT ME AND LOVING ME 12. I'll always... BE MYSELF AND NOT NOTHING MORE SO IF U WANNA FRIEND HER I AM 13. I have a secret crush on... LARRY THE CABLE GUY NO ONE ELSE 14. The last time I cried was because.. 2 NIGHTS AGO 15. My cell phone... INT THE DRAWER 16. When I woke up this morning... ME AND MY STEP SON PLAYED ON PUTER 17. Before I go to sleep at night... I GET ON PUTER . 18. Right now I am thinking about.. THINKIN ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE NICHOLAS EDWARDS 19. Babies are... SWEET AND CUDDLY AT TIMES AND VERY NOISY 20. I get on myspace... TO TALK TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS 21. Today I... WOKE UP AND I'M HERE 22. Tonight I will... SIT AT HOME BORED OUT OF MY MIND AS USUAL 23. Tomorrow I will... I HOPE THINGS CHANGE BUT PROBALY SAME AS BEFORE 24. I really want... TO GO DO SUMMIN FUN WELL I THINK 25. The person who most likely to repost this is... ANY BORED SOUL LIKE ME

Okay so here's the deal. You look it over and see how many of these things you have done (NOT HOW MANY TIMES U'VE DONE THEM!), BUT you have to add up the money amount along the way, then post the amount that you are such as "$15" or "I'm worth $78"or something like that. Smoked pot-- $10 Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before-- $20 Went skinny dipping-- $5 Had sex in a pool-- $20 Kissed someone of the same sex-- $10 Had sex with someone of the same sex $20 Cheated on your g/f or b/f -- $10 Cheated on your g/f or b/f with their relative or close friend--$20 Done oral-- $5 Got oral-- $5 Swallowed--$0.75 Done / got oral in a car while it was moving --$25 Prank called the cops-- $5 Stole something-- $10 Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars--$20 Had sex with someone 10 years older-- $20 Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27--$25 Cried yourself to sleep-- $5 Cried during sex--$20 Been in love-- $25 Been in love with two people or more at the same time --$50 Said you love someone but didn't mean it-- $25 Went streaking-- $5 Went streaking in broad daylight --$15 Been arrested-- $5 Spent time in jail --$15 Peed in the pool-- $0.50 Played spin the bottle-- $5 Done something you regret-- $20 Had a crush on your best friend--$5 Had sex with your best friend --$20 Had a crush on someone at work --$5 Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25 Lied to your mate --$5 Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25 DONT FORGET TO REPOST WITH YOUR DOLLAR AMOUNT IN THE SUBJECT BOX!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM FAKE ASS FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: cry with you FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS:would ignore diz REAL FRIENDS: would send it back

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical... For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control... The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things Ive learned from my Boys (honest)... 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old Boys voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesnt stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh" its already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy. 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still cant walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. 25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. ''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!'' The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.'' To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop. The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top

The perfect man is gentle Never cruel or mean He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean. The perfect man likes children And will raise them by your side He will be a good father As well as a good husband to his bride. The perfect man loves cooking Cleaning and vacuuming too He'll do anything in his power To convey his feelings of love on to you. The perfect man is sweet Writing poetry from your name He's a best friend to your mother And kisses away your pain. He never has made you cry Or hurt you in any way To hell with this endless poem The perfect man is gay