HeavenIsTheMomentInLifeWhenYouActuallyFe...'s blog: "Random Poetry"

Looking out again upon your face I never realized how much I missed your grace You smile at me and I am pleased to see you look so free I never realized how much you ment to me until time came to test me You amaze me with your words and will I've been in awe of you for quite some time though you may not have noticed me sitting in the darkness watching you sit and write You may not have noticed me watching you from a distance I've always watched you with your full eyes and beautiful lips I've always watched you and admired your spirit and willingness to help And I've always watched you as you had your ups and downs and when you even needed someone around but what you didn't know was I've always been there for you

Things just don't feel right anymore I'm responsible for once I want to be in trouble burdened for something that is my fault I'm to tired to fight, I'm not who I used to be the energy has been sucked from me full of life full of vigorness I'm a puppet now the strings I can feel in my limbs, in my mind I'm doing what they want I can't fight anymore I can't do what's right my mind is gone my spirit has been broken I never gave in I never gave up I've just been sleeping here, I havn't woken up I'm still too tired to get up too tired to wake up, too tired

Fall is upon us Watch the leaves as they fall As a remembrance of our lives Lost in a down ward spiral Watch the little kid play in them Fun to crunch Fun to look at Look at all the colorful leaves Red, Brown, Yellow, Green All different in their own right None ever done anything wrong No sin No pain No breath to be knocked out Look at this ritual So quiet So peaceful Watch all of them go Just go I want to go too Let me just spiral downward Towards no where in particular Just let me go No attachments No Broken parts No longing of any kind but to just go down Just let me go down No way of stopping No way of knowing when I will hit the ground Just let me go

be silient be still or there can no longer be any thrill look with your eyes or close them tight but breathe yes breathe feel with you sences and not with your brain because in this heart this room this bed everything is mine tonight let me touch you let me kiss you let me do things to you that you have never heard of let me look upon you with my desire see you in ways I've never seen before feel you in ways you've never had this is something I want to do for me for my pleasure

Take me away Please take me away away from all this pain please just take me away I have nothing to live for in this place no one to live for nothing to strive for I have nothing and no one please take me away why wont you just come to me I need to be gone to be rid of this place it doesn't want me nor need me too please just take me do with me what you will but don't leave me here with these people that do me harm don't leave me here in this place that has no name Please don't leave me here with my nameless soul Please don't leave me here Please death don't spare me this time

I can see him standing there a picture from my past I don't know where he's going but he's going fast he's a person from my memory always been stead fast I've never seen him go so far not even in his past he's running from his future and he's going oh so fast he needs to stop and look around because the present, it wont last here's a picture from my past picture perfect, it will always last the memory has faded new one's take it's place the memory is gone but the picture will always last A new love has come and gone which always makes things easier to put it all away the pictures from my past locked away to look up later in my life it will make me realize even more how much I loved you Wanted you Needed you As I sit here years later Looking upon these pictures I still see him Hes standing there steadfast Hes still running But now hes looking back to see How far behind hes left me He calls me up Wants to see me But hes so far away Put away the picture Lock the feelings up with it Down in the box it goes

I don't know what's happening with me Where am I going What am I doing What are these feelings I'm still falling But I can't find my way down Confusion sets in I don't know what to do What do see What to feel Where to go I'm still falling But I can't find my way down How can I save you When I can barely save myself Save myself I'm binded to myself Torn Blined, beaten and falling But I can't find my way down

what is she supposed to do things keep coming unglued making bad decisions why does do this to you she tries so hard but nothing sticks she's mediocre at best doesn't stand in with the rest why does she do this to you your life is in her hands puppetiering is her game you let her do it all the same dancing, prancing, your motor functions shot why do you let her why do you want her to continue to do this to you mindless, ignorant "child" stand up shout out no more, no more I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE!

walking in this tunnel it's so dark it's so long and as i walk i think of the past how could i forget all the things that was once said the whispers lust i remember them all words i had meant words i thought i knew time is going slow i just want to go go back to where i was when things made sence i'm lost now don't know where i am lost in this tunnel flashlight has dimmed burning out can't see sitting here i'm scared i just want out away from me away from what i've become not worth the hatered the pain the love lost in here where does it begin where does it end just lay here go to sleep rest now just sleep no more pain no more sorrow

God help me Im slipping fast My life is filling up with poison from others Telling me Ill never be good enough You know how hard I tried Keeping everyone happy but myself How can I keep doing it Pleasing everyone else Bit by bit numbness is setting in again Soon Ill be gone Someone save me Pull me close Hold me now, Im slipping away Feeling is too much to handle Keeping pushing me back Hitting me hard I cant take much more Someone please help me Tell me what to do How do I keep myself whole Without pushing everyone else away I know who I am Where I come from Dont know how much longer I can keep myself from slipping away Pinch me Wake me up Do something to let me know Im still living This feels and looks like hell to me This pain is unbearable It breaks me down Pushes me back to where I was in control Numbness is the key To make me not hurt I want to feel I want to live Im afraid I cant do it alone Im not strong enough I need to be wanted To be needed To find a place where I belong Im out here alone No one to turn to No where to go Im slipping away inside of myself Scratching, scraping, cutting just to feel again I dont want to go back there Back to where I began