HeavenIsTheMomentInLifeWhenYouActuallyFe...'s blog: "Random Poetry"

All my dreams locked up My body aches My heart desires My mind wants I need it now Like I've ever needed anything before I crave it now My body arches with anticipation But I don't get it Makes me want it all the more Teases me, Tempts me Toutures me until I give in I crave it now I want to feel I want to touch I want it now I need it so much I crave it now His hair shines His eyes sudictive His body so bold So inticing,So desireable I crave it now I need it now He'll give it to me He wants me to ask He teases me with a touch With a kiss that's so delisious I don't think he knows what he's doing The way he holds me I think he does... I crave it now I push him down I want to make him need me I want to make him want me more than he already does I crave it now Keeping him down And playing with him I want to make him moan and scream I want to make him want it more than me I crave it now I want to have him I want to play with him I want to keep him for myself I want it now I want it from him He's been the best that I've had I want it now I crave it now Did I make it clear About what I want I hope I did Because I want it so bad I crave it now

I do not belong here Not where I am This place of pain Place of torture Too much has happened here Dont want to hurt anymore Dont want to feel I dont want anything thats real It all fades away Ill be alone Like I always have I want to go away from it all Disappear Hide from things From people who have loved me the most They have gone away so many times before Its not even wroth this heart of mine Ill just go away No one would notice No one would care My soul feels likes its been worn Torn Ripped apart Angel of Mercy Angel of Death Save me Save me now Take me away This pain on earth is worse than death itself Dont want to hurt Dont want to feel I dont want anything thats real It all fades away Ill be alone Like I am Like I have been

You make me know Im not here alone All alone Not to understand shhh, dont think, Dont talk, just listen Its pure all around us Pull me closer I thought I felt so safe there shhh dont talk, dont talk, just listen Stumbling over yourself Your words unsure Not knowing how to speak You seemed to be learning again Why so silent Seeming unaware Of all around you and me Your mind is appealing I want it for myself Pick at it when I want Answer my questions Magic 8 ball it will be called First listen and learn Things are new to you it seems No need for stumbling Mumbling Show yourself Not what you want to be shhh dont talk, dont talk, just listen Cant take a hint Just go with it No aggressiveness found Wanted you to be bolder Thinking about something else that night Dont want to go now Not to move at all Thats what I want Fall asleep right here on you Let me go go away in your mind Let me fester there Come away with what you want What you think Let me see who you really are Deep inside your fascinating soul shhh dont talk, dont talk, just listen That night is gone now All we have left is a little piece of something That might meant something to someone Who knows might even be me Doesnt matter right now You say too much with your words Dont let your soul say too much at all shhh dont talk, dont talk, just listen Listen to yourself

here is my fear take it from me I wanna say it all the fear prevents me here is my fear take it from me You're gunna go but you should know what i've been showing is real I wanna say it all the fear it stops me here is my fear take it from me i'm starting to lose it all that's okay I guess I never had it to begin with all I had was my fear why me? why now? Don't want me to hurt don't want him to hurt at all I'll take his pain Take his fear take his confusion take it into myself keep it from him so he can keep his own life keep him sane so he can have a good life I'll keep my fear keep it all I don't get what I want I'm fine with that I just want him to be okay Dispite how I feel I want to say it all but my fear still prevails

I wanna crawl inside myself hide until no one's left I'm tired of feeling like I do I wanna go away until there's nothing left of me There's nothing you can do Nothing I can do Go our seperate ways It's okay No worries We'll be okay Forget about me Our time was great No reason for you to remember When you're on your way No worries I'll be okay Soon you'll be gone I'll be here It's okay I'm always strong Strong enough for everyone I'm a little lost right now But I'll find my way No worries I'll be fine Enjoy your life Block me out You wont need me there Not even a little bit at all You'll do great things with your life I'm proud of you for that As for me I don't know what I'm gunna do Maybe going inside myself I can't right now Too many people depend on me I need to step up to my plate Help you with what you need No worries I'll be okay I'm just to scared to say what I want to say I can't anyways It doesn't make a difference I'll just block it all in You don't need to see You don't even need to know I'll just sit here like I always do and watch it all go away I'm fine with that It's what I'm used to So no worries I'll be fine... I always am

Four hours off the set time Wondering what's going on inside your mind? You said you'd meet me here at 6 I was there you never showed I was worried I still am As you still havn't shown up from where you've been Just a little worried Nothing bad And a little dissapointment come close to the end I would have liked those things What we had talked about I guess not and that's okay I need to get this off my chest It's burning a hole that doesn't need to be there No worries just mine No panic I'm not not Don't worry I'll not look another minute upon this I don't care the reason I don't mind a lie Though It hurts when it comes to that You stood me up lol funny to say I would have at least liked to have known your okay...

I expect you to talk the way you do Walk the way you do Stand with your arms the way you do I expect you to think the way you do Process the way you do Be brave the way you are I expect you to look at me the way you do Stare at me with those big eyes And let me get lost like I tend to do I expect many things from you But most of all I expect you to be you To be a man when most would not To be sensitive at the right time To be able to say the right thing at the right time These are the sweet expectations I have from you And All of them have been met by you.... thank you = 0 )

Broken (part one) I'm broken now as I thought I would be. I'm broken now more than I thought I could be. Shame on me for looking at you like that. Shame on me for holding you like that. And shame on me for kissing you like we just belonged. I've caused myself to be broken once again. Broken again like I've been before. We talked all night . You brought me blinkets when I was cold. You held me like I've never been held before. now I'm here feeling broken because your gone I let you walk without a word. I watched you walk away, you gave one backward glance and out the door you went. As you left I watched your plain take flight. I felt a tear fall from my eye. I lay in the bed of that truck broken. only because you treated me like what I should be treated like, a lady. So now I'm broken waiting for you to return. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(part two)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I walked though the garden to the back yard. I saw you standing there with the holy pants. A smile came over you as if you were in a trance. I sat down and watched you from afar hopeing that you'd look at me Just once from the corner of your eyes. As I watched I fell in awe, my heart and hands where shaking again Like they did when I first heard that you'd be in town. My heart skipped more than one beat and I became anxious to see you. I came near you cautiously at first. You picked me up gave me a hug and tossed me in the pool. I was happy that you touched me and appoligized too. But that night I didn't know what to do once you went for her And she went for me. I saw the glares coming from your eyes so now. I'm just sitting here waiting for you again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(part three)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That night at your house I was so depressed. I wanted you and not your friend. You seemed to into her and she in me I didn't want to tell you that I wanted you for me. I watched you kiss and hold her. Chase after her too. But I bet what you didn't know was that's what I wanted from you. I gave you and hug and you held me for a while Just looked in my eyes and said it was all okay. I didn't quite believe you then nor do I now. I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I know I couldn't because you send shivers right through me. I've never wanted anyone like the way that I want you, but I still can't tell you in case you don't want me. So I'll just sit here and write and just wait. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(part four)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You wrestled me to the floor. And from there I wanted more. I fought though I knew the battle would be lost, You'd win and I'd be left to think of what could have been. If I were stronger. If I were quicker. Even If I was a little bit smarter too. But if I had been all of those things. You wouldn't be interested in me the way you are. You hold me while I try to get free. While I laugh and squirm. You tighten with firmness. And pick me up off the floor. While you whisper in my ear. All the things that I want to hear. And for that time I'm all that matters in the world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(part five)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As we lay in the truck. You talk to me with all your trust. You confide in me, It turns me on. I ask for a kiss and I get what I want. As you hold me close we talk with whispers. Rolling along the trucks bed's floor. We started to play like I've yerned for so long. You put your hands on me. I love it when you touch me like that. As we kiss I start everything. I touch, I fondle, I caress... You just sit back and relax as you let me play. For that moment I know that's what I want to do for as long as I know you, I know it wont happen, you have to leave. But I can always dream for it is my will, I know when you come back you'll come for me. At least for now you are with me. Now my brokness has set in because now you are gone. It happend so fast, it's funny how time never seems to last. This time you kissed me before you left and for once I was happy that I was here to watch you leave

Waiting here For nothing at all Lifes on still Look at that Thats all there is point and laugh Funny to see Someone like me Out here like this Out there Alone point and laugh Point your crooked little finger Laugh your broken laugh Broken like me Spit your blood out The blood from your veins Life rejected by you Watch me break you Break you down Like you deserve Like you did to me Watch me drain your blood Drink it fast Clench my thirst To break you Grin your stupid broken smile Watch your life spew out of you Spew into me Filling my life back up Giving me what I lost to you I want it all back I'll suck it out of you Watch me as I sit here Waiting for my time My time to laugh and point The time is almost here You life is almost gone Give me back mine Give me back mine The time is here, this time I'll point and laugh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Submission that's what I felt. When I gave into your lies and trails of bull shit. Pain is what I felt when you stabed me in the back. Betrayal is what I got when you kissed her goodnight. Honestity is what I gave when you would not. Sanity is what I kept when I found out who you wanted to be with. Understanding is what I had when you got with her. Forgivness is what I gave to you when you did not deserve it. Kindness is what I give you even though I do not feel it. Friendship is what I give to you now though you don't deserve it. And Peace is what we'll keep even if it means that there will be none in me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ as I sit here. I wait for you to appear. I think of you. and in antisipation of what I might hear. as I sit here I know who you are. you are my love my salvation my friend. I know you will come. as you always have I know you will come. I know you will help me with my daily bouts. as I sit here I try to think of how much I mean to you and if you even care. and as I sit here I have my doubts. waiting is nerve wrecking, I've done this too much . and as I sit here I think I know . how much you really care. but as always I'll sit here and wait . because I'll always wait for you no matter what