Where To Take Women On "Dates"
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***QUESTION***
Dave,
Okay, here goes. First, what's been working for
me. The CF attitude is definitely paying off.
Bottom line, IT WORKS. Another tip I've found to
work for me is to generally play up to a woman's
insecurities. DON'T make fun of them, be
respectful, but just let them be aware of the
fact, tactfully, that you KNOW that they arn't
perfect, and given a different set of
circumstances, if you so chose, you could be with
someone else. The trick I have found that works
for me is to ALWAYS KEEP THEM GUESSING. Does he
like me, or doesn't he? Where do I stand? How can
I win him over? Don't give them your undieing
devotion to them right off the bat or they'll KNOW
that you're a wussy!!!
Okay, so here's my question. Could you tell me
how to ask a girl out without "losing your
power...?" It seems to me like once you have "put
yourself out there", and asked her the question
"Will you go out with me?" you have made yourself
seem somewhat weak and wussy-like. Is there a way
to do it and still make it seem like you are in
control?
Also, where do you think is a good place to ask
a girl out on a first date? I don't generally like
the movies since you don't get to talk much.
Thanks,
N, Washington, DC
>>>MY COMMENTS:
It's always interesting to me to get a view of
how another person sees the world...
Your questions have given me some insight into
the way you THINK, and I believe that I'm going to
be able to give you some great ideas.
Before I address your questions, I want to make
a few comments about the beginning of your email.
You said that you've found that "playing up a
woman's insecurities" in a tactful, Cocky & Funny
way, is really working for you.
Now, this might sound a little bit "cruel and
unusual" to others reading your comments... and
I'd like to explain the psychology behind it, and
tell you why I think it works so well for you.
There are a few keys that one needs to remember
when interacting with an attractive woman you've
just met...
1) Most guys pursue her, give her compliments, try
to get her approval by giving her things and
taking her out.
2) Most men don't say things that might "rock the
boat". In other words, most men won't make a
comment early on that might offend or upset her.
3) Most men give away all of their power to
attractive women INSTANTLY. I'm talking as soon
as they meet.
4) Women interpret these behaviors as a man not
feeling comfortable enough and secure enough IN
himself to BE himself. In other words, these
"commonly accepted courting behaviors" actually
come across as subtly MANIPULATIVE to women. At a
subconscious level, a woman can INSTANTLY sense a
man who is communicating the message "I don't
think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to
do a bunch of other things for you in the hopes
that you'll give me approval". I know, the truth
sometimes sucks.
So, how does this relate to playing up a
woman's insecurities in a tactful, Cocky & Funny
way?
Making fun of a woman's insecurities in a fun,
teasing way says something much bigger... it says
that you're not looking for approval and that
you're not afraid of her walking away. It's one
of those things that says a lot more than just
what you're saying with words.
Remember the newsletter I wrote titled, "What
Annoys Women, What Attracts Them"?
Well, you might recall that I said that one of
the things that annoys women the MOST is when a
guy is weak and tentative... and he seeks approval
by trying to do whatever he thinks a woman would
want him to do. In other words, by trying NOT to
annoy a woman you'll often annoy her worst of all.
I know. reality is strange like that.
Now, on the OTHER HAND, if you say something
like "Hey, you're kind of short for a cute
girl"... it can have the OPPOSITE effect.
REMEMBER, one of the KEYS to this type of
comment is the HUMOR. Half of the Cocky & Funny
equation is FUNNY.
You're not being MEAN, you're being PLAYFUL.
But, when you comment on something that an
attractive woman might be insecure about in a VERY
FUNNY WAY, it says ALL the right things, all at
once.
It says that you're not afraid of her, it says
that you're funny, it says that you're sassy, it
says that you're going to be a challenge... it
says that you're not seeking her approval, and it
says that you're not a WUSSY.
Now, keep in mind, this is a FUN thing to do.
If she LAUGHS when you say it, you're on the
right track. If she gets "fake mad", you're on
the right track. If she starts crying and telling
you that you're the kind of guy that should be
beaten up, then you need some work...lol.
I tease women all the time with this kind of
thing, and they love it.
ASKING WOMEN "OUT"
Earlier I mentioned that your questions have
given me some insight into the way you THINK.
Let's talk about that.
The way you've phrased your question, "Could
you tell me how to ask a woman out...?" tells me a
few things...
1) It tells me that you believe that you're the
one who has to do the asking
2) It tells me that you believe that you need to
ask a woman "out on a date" when you DO "ask her"
3) It tells me that you believe that you're taking
a big risk when you do (your words were "putting
yourself out there")
4) It tells me that you ALREADY think that she has
POWER OVER YOU... before you've even met her and
"asked her out"
Whoa. Heavy, man.
What if I said that the answer was to never ask
another woman out again?
What if I said that for the next year you need
to only tell women what you're going to do, and
let them know that if they'd like to join you they
may, but if they choose not to, it's their
loss...?
What if I said that you're really only
"risking" something when you CARE what she thinks
of you... and that once you get over caring what a
woman thinks of you, your success will sky-rocket?
I realize that these might be "far-out" ideas,
but if you round up 100 guys who are VERY
successful with women, you'll find that MOST of
them operate with these beliefs.
I can't do the "psychological brain surgery"
that you seem to need in one email... but let me
give you a new way to think about this...
Beautiful women aren't interested in being with
men who are weak. They're not interested in men
who have low self esteem. They're not interested
in men who give away their power. They're not
interested in men who don't GET what they want in
life.
In other words, beautiful women aren't
attracted to WUSSIES.
The type of thinking that you're showing me
here is WUSSY thinking. It's weak.
It's saying, "She has the power". I want her
to be with me, so I need to "ask her out" in order
to get her to spend time with me... if she rejects
me, I will lose something".
You're basically suggesting that you lack
something and she has it... and that you NEED what
she has so badly that you'll do anything for it.
You've handed over your power before the game
has even started.
And guess what kind of effect this is going to
have on a woman you're trying to "ask out"?
Right, she's going to SMELL YOUR INNER WUSSY,
whether it's in-person or over the phone.
She's going to hear it in your voice.
Women are PROS at sensing the Inner Wussy.
And women RESENT men that they can control.
So what's the answer?
Before I tell you, let me mention that the REAL
answer here is learning how to become a MAN that
women are NATURALLY attracted to. And there is no
"instant technique" that can make that happen. The
only way is to learn how to transform yourself
into this man that I'm describing. And there's
only place in the world you can learn the DEEPER
elements of this transformation. And that place is
here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/OnBeingAMan/
You need to realize that YOU are the one who is
the desirable prize. You are giving HER a great
opportunity by making yourself available to her.
You have nothing to lose if she doesn't spend time
with you... in fact, she SAVED you time by
eliminating herself from your consideration.
I'm not talking about becoming an arrogant,
outwardly over-inflated JERK here.
I'm talking about how you THINK.
So next time you're on the phone with a woman
that you've met recently, try this...
1) Call her and say, "Hey, WHAT'S UP?" Don't
talk about work, family, or any other BORING
topic.
2) Tease her and get back the fun mood that you
hopefully created when you first met her.
3) Tell her that you're busy, but you might have
some time on Saturday... and that if she's lucky
you might let her hang out with you.
4) Hang up. That's right, tell her you have to
go, and then GO.
Why?
Well, you need to learn how to not NEED her to
like you. And you need to learn how to give a
woman the gift of missing you. You need to learn
how to LEAN BACK, and not care what happens.
These things will help you TREMENDOUSLY.
Finally, call her back on Saturday afternoon
and say "Hey, I'm going to Starbucks, I think you
should buy me a cup of tea and entertain me".
BIG DIFFERENCE between that approach and the
way you've probably been doing things.
And I'm hoping that I've answered your "Where
do I take a woman on the first date?" question as
well...
Don't take her ANYWHERE. Let her take you out
for a cup of tea. You can still pay, just to
prove that you're a "gentleman" (by the way, if
you say "I'm not paying for your tea because I
like you, I'm paying for it because I am a
gentleman", it's a nice touch).
And, if you're HELL BENT on going "out"
somewhere with a woman (why men cling to the idea
of going "out", instead of staying "in", I have no
idea), then go to a mall and make fun of fashions,
or go play a game of pool. DO SOMETHING THAT
ISN'T BORING... whatever you do. And do something
that doesn't say, "I'm trying to impress you".
But, let's face it. What you REALLY need is a
TOTAL THINKING OVERHAUL.
It's not simple or easy to get rid of years of
programming and beliefs. It's not going to happen
in a few minutes.
I seriously recommend that you get yourself a
copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD
program.
One of the things that makes me very different
from the other people that write about and teach
in this area, is my focus on the "INNER GAME"...
in other words, the PSYCHOLOGY of success with
women and dating.
If you want to be successful in the REAL WORLD
with women, you FIRST have to learn how to deal
with your INNER WORLD of emotions, thoughts, and
beliefs.
When I first started and made the decision to
learn how to become more successful with women and
dating, I had a LOT of insecurities and negative
beliefs.
I had negative self-image issues, problems with
shyness and nervousness around women... I had it
all.
And, I didn't know where to start. I had no
idea what to do. All I knew was that I needed to
get this area of my life together, and that I
wasn't willing to sit around for the REST of my
life with that sinking, negative feeling about
myself that came from not knowing how to date
women.
Well, as it turned out, I made a lot of
mistakes on my own road to success. I spent a lot
of time trying things that didn't work... and
getting a lot more "bad programming" (to add to my
already-bad programming).
In the end, one of the real KEYS that helped me
turn things around... and probably the main factor
in my ability to maintain on-going success
attracting and keeping great women around me, was
the work I did on the INSIDE.
Now, I'm not talking about lying on a couch and
talking about your problems.
I'll leave that to the professional shrinks.
I'm talking about learning how men who are
successful with women THINK... and how they SEE
THE WORLD.
I'm talking about learning the way BEAUTIFUL
WOMEN view men and the world... and how they
experience life.
I'm talking about getting a perspective that
99% of most men never have... and facing my
fears... and overcoming them.
In my Advanced Dating Techniques Program, I
spend several HOURS working on "The Inner Game" of
success with women.
I cover everything from how to improve your
self-image, to how to overcome fear... all the way
to how and why women think and act the way they do
in "mating" situations.
This perspective will INSTANTLY change the way
you behave around women... and it will definitely
lead to more success in the areas that you need
help in.
I guarantee it.
Go check it out. There are some great audio
and video samples here, plus feedback from others
who have the program...
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/AdvancedSeries/
And if you're ready for a DEEP and POWERFUL
education on how to "reprogram" yourself for
success with women and dating, then you MUST check
out my Deep Inner Game program.
Inside this program, you'll learn the most
powerful and innovative ways to quickly overcome
your fears and anxieties with women and dating...
There is no other program like this in the
world. It is specifically focused on getting your
Inner Game together for success with women and
dating.
Go watch the preview video clips here... and
you'll get the picture:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/DeepInnerGame/
And, if you haven't downloaded your copy of my
online eBook, "Double Your Dating", then you
really need to do that now. It is the foundation
of everything I teach in these newsletters, and it
contains dozens and dozens of great tips and
techniques. Go download it here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/eBook/
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. Don't forget to look through all of the
programs I've put together to help you meet
women... they're all here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/Catalog/
P.P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,
Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs
max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask
your question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuff
is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well
your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I
DO need to hear all of the specifics... because
this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success
Story" in the subject line of the email. I read
these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials
and tell me where you're from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com
...don't just hit "reply" to this email.
Thanks!