1SexyTrini's blog: "Spin-Off-Of-My-So-Called_Life!"

I AM- I am dark, I am bleak. I am the one Di-a-bo-lique! The Aboriginal; existing before all. Nomatter how hard you try, know I will never fall! I am your maker, your detroyer. Your Prince and Your princess. I AM ANA/MIA! I am your one; Your all. I'm the reason you stand tall! I am Your Will; I am Your Grace. I'll keep a smile apon your face! I am the one whom you'll adore... I keep you coming back for more. I AM ANA/MIA!

Bliss- I'm falling into this bliss (can you catch me) Grasping at the thick smoh (can you help me) Screaming so loud I peirce the ears of the angels above (can you hear me) Please, I beg you! Don't leave me in this rancid stench for all eternity Please, I beg you! Save me from this internal Hell I've created Please, I beg You! Save me from myself; Don't let me get me! Please... I beg you!

Excerpt from my book: (still haven't titled it) monolog from SYlvia Jacobs I guess it's pretty much come down to me realizing that life is a joke. That it is actually indeed very pointless. A big test that we in general as a race of humans are so tragically failing. Guess the people upstairs are having a good "I told you so" laugh on our behalf. "Survival of the fittest? A quiter never wins and a winner never quits? What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger?" Well what happens when you just don't have the strength to go on anymore? When you just don't have the will to survive? When your problems get just as bad as the others? There are so many cliche`s in life. How often do you sit with "what if's" and "had I done's" Well as I like to say. 'If ifs and ands were pots and pans my ass'd be a kitchen sink!" I so deperately spend my days wishing that I could hit some magical 'reset' button to restart my life at the very moment I realize that I had made a terrible mistake. Life has no 'repeat buttons and unfortunatly it isn't a game of cricket where we can call a much deserved 'do-over'. Reality if indeed that's what we are living in. Is grey to me. There is no black and white. Things are so shadey inbetween and I find myself drifting into that fantasy world. It's so much more peaceful, so much more serene. So much more...me. Nonsense I know most would think. But that's just my way of dealing with the cards I was dealt. Some how knowing that my down fall is inevitable. You're told your life is planned out for you by some mighty power up above; although it seems like my destiny has been premeditated by the evilest of evils. You do what you're told and you live right and you go to Heaven. I can be the first to tell you that I am no angel and I have done my fair share of dirt. Yet; I feel as though I'm at the very moment living in Hell so I have lots of faith that when I do die I am most assured a place in Heaven. So one would assume. And even with this embedded into my thick skull, I still have this fear that, Maybe it does indeed get worse'

*SUMMER AIR* (END OF SUMMER BLUES) Sitting alone. The only sound that penetrates my eardrum is the soft hum of the fridgedaire. It reminds me of the summer air. Sipping lemonade, layig back in the shade. Watching this guy go by thinking he's all that and then some. Wondering how long would it take for him to make me cum. I begin to fantasize, about him between my thighs, feeling and touching me. Making sweet love to me. Looking me in my eyes, the way he kisses makes my bloodpressure rise. Suddenly I feel the pressure. There's no need for an usher. He's found his way. Deep inside I wish he'd stay. A push A thrust. DO this again I think we must. We moan we groan. Ring ring goes the phone. Don't answer. We're almost there. He begins to run his fingers through-My-Hair. In and out round and round don't stop now we've reached our point. I must say you are the joint. Come back tomorrow we can do it again. No need to ask, just come on in... *SUMMER AIR*

It Hurts... Freedom, nomore pain, tears. I can start over, maybe pick up where I left off before we met. But it hurts. Nomore lonely nights ,lying alone in bed. Nomore incriminating thoughts of you in my head. I can move on now. But it hurts. I don't have to fear you or your ruff-neck-wanna-be-tactics. I should be feeling fantastic. But it hurts. I don't need to love you in veign anylonger. I realize that without you, I'm that much stronger. Bout time I got my head on on straight;And yeah I know that should be great. But it hurts. It hurts because I gave it my all and still it wasn't enough. So I gave you a lil more of me ;You said it'd get better just wait and see. After all my hurt and all my pain, the fustration the anger the mental drain; I should infact be free and clear and oh yes I do feel better, but on the inside... It HUrts!