looking softly into his eyes, she whispered that she loved him. giving a sigh he quietly said "i see." it wasn't the response she had hoped for, but perhaps it was better then being lied to. if she can't have his heart, atleast he's given up his body. at least she can pretend he has feelings, though even with her pleas he refused to pretend he did. "just act like i'm your ex." she had said, but that was too much for him.
he could let her have his body, and forsaken his love enough to let her taste him on her lips, but lying about his emotions to the extent to pretend to be in love was something he could never do. life may never be happy for him again if he refuses to lie to himself about his emotions, but they were the only real thing that remained. every day he would fall, and try to be somebody else, but in the end it always returned.
laying her head on his chest, she pretended that he felt the way she did not realizing how uncomftorable and awkward he felt inside. all of his thoughts were on his lost love, and longing for it to be her that lay at his side, but it seemed that was never to be again. caressing his chest with her hand, she began to kiss him on the neck and then chest. more is what she wanted, she wanted to taste him and feel him become a part of her, to let her emotions run wild and bring out the only thing she could in him.
going along with it, he placed his hand on her head running his fingers through her hair. if it's what she wanted, then why not let her have it? saving himself for the one person he loved got him no where, and why not pretend he doesn't care? that way it won't hurt so much, even if he won't feel anything. atleast he was pleasing someone else now.
her lips found there way slowly down his body, and he closed his eyes forgetting everything, tomorrow he would regret this, and beg his loves forgiveness with every ounce of his soul, but she wasn't there and never would be again, so he knew it would only harm himself. harming himself was something he seemed to be good at, and seemed to try hard at yet he harmed those he loved just as much by trying not to. seemed no matter what he did he was doomed, so now he would just not care and live a meaningless life of unemotional activities.
after spending the night giving his body away, it took everything to keep from crying. it wasn't supposed to be like this, he was supposed to be strong and only be with the one he loved. why did he have to give into her and let her have her way? why must it seem everyone but the one he wants falls inlove with him? quietly he snuck out of the bed and left her to wake alone.
upon awaking alone her heart was torn that she couldn't make him love her, or even act like it. she knew what he wanted, and maybe giving it to him would make him love her. so, she snuck into his room at the hotel and went to his bed, startled when he opened his eyes in surprise.
" i know what you dream of, and i can give it to you."
she went to kiss him and he lay there not stopping her but not giving in. once again allowing her to do as she please, but not pretend like he wanted her. kissing at his throat once more he felt a slight sting and then felt complete ecstacy. every ounce of blood was being drained from his body, and for a few moments he held her and drew her close to him. letting his passion pour through his veins, she thought perhaps she'd won.
upon awakening with his new life, he once again silently left. using his will power he searched for his beloved finding himself standing outside her window watching her sleep. it would seem she were an angel, a goddess of the very night that now consumed him. piering inside her mind, he could see that she was happy, happier then she'd ever been and with that he was gone.
when returning to his home, he found the girl sitting in his room. "you have nothing else, so be with me." giving in, he grabs her in a sort of rage and begins to bite violently at her neck, then he begins to force her head down yelling it's what you want, come on love it i know you do! his anger was rising at having lost all, and she wanted to be used, she would do anything, and he planned to make her.
once the night was done, and he'd used up all his rage upon her, which seemed to make her glisten with joy, he threw her off of him and left the room. storming towards the kitchen, he grabbed a knife and headed for the door. in a fury he stormed down the street finding his way down the street to the park where he used to love to sit and watch the stars. going to the willow tree, he held the knife to his wrist. "i told you i'd love you t'ill i die, are you fucking happy now? i've lost everything, and now i'll never bother you again. go on and live your life." slashing his wrists over and over he then took the knife and began to cut through his chest. once the bone was torn away he reached with his hand and pulled out his beating heart.
falling to the ground, his mind still worked and death did not seem to come. god even now he can't die. so many attempts yet something kept him alive. why? suddenly out of the woods came his lost one, walking towards him with tears in her eyes. how she had known was a mystery but something told her to come here, to save him. "do not leave, i need you so. i'm sorry."
