the blazen minx's blog: "Something I wrote...be kind"

inescapable, unquenchable ecstasy drives her to the brink of ultimate insanity soul crushing, mind blowing intimacy sends her to the edge of unbelievable serenity soaring with him to the end of the world to create a harmony few have heard serving Him, pleasing Him, loving Him presents in her the willingness to be the best she could ever be her every heartbeat dependent on His desire At His feet, she kneels with pride awaiting His command smiling for that is where she belongs serving to her hearts contentment.

Four months ago i was broken and i was stupid Four months ago i was weak and i believed the lies but now look at me, i stand with my head high i stand stronger they can't hurt me anymore and their lies are ignored Four months ago i was hurt and i went through hell but no more i am not like i was then and i will not go back i have more now to live for than i did then it was not my time four months ago but it is my time now

looking at something new wanting to grab ahold of it like a star in the sky it shines bright building a wall that keeps everything out afraid of being hurt by everyone around searching within my soul to find answers of questions that are asked the answeres seem unreachable i long to find that heart bending love that will make all else better

unable to obtain the feeling of pure hopefullness she loses herself in a state of brokness where she sees no light and feels no faith until something touches her causing her to stop and think about the road she was on and where she needed to go she turns around to start anew her heart how it aches for the pain she knows she has caused she begins the long journey to make everything new and worthwhile her blue eyes glitter with a newly achieved state where she feels the suns warmth and the hope of a new day.

As the confusion of life sets in I scurry around trying to figure out who I am I seek answers for questions I ask To learn what I like, what I am into To find out whom the real Shana is Some may say I am sick, or even perverted Others just look at me weird when I tell them what I like Those who know me, accept me for everything I am. As time flits by, I try new things Learn more about myself I grow as a sub, and as a person Submission by “normal” standards Is something to be gawked at, Something to be avoided But it is a way of life, A good one if you find the right person to be with My way of life I have found this much about myself I am a born subbie, I long to serve, I enjoy it really I take pride in the lifestyle I have chosen And yes it is a choice

Time has been spent Wishing to turn back the clock Useless dreaming of things being perfect Wasted hours crying over you When you aren’t coming back Sick of always thinking of you My time with you is gone – done. Can’t you just leave my mind alone? Let me move on and heal You left me in a physical sense My emotional pain is just so much more intense Years later it still feels strong I keep asking myself everyday Why do I hang on? My heart wants to keep on loving you My brain wants to push you away Everything I see reminds me of our time together All those songs, the toys, and the pictures Just sends me into constant despair Time has been lost forever Things will never go back to the way they were Its time to move on and to just forget – just let go.

The overwhelming need To fit in with society Will not cause me to lose My unique identity For the drive to be The only me I can Is stronger than the need To feel like I belong I will go through life Doing everything that’s me And though I may change Those changes aren’t bad They help me grow They plant some seeds For a time in the future When it is time to bloom Time to grow Into something that is strong And very wise The strongest desire To be myself Will overcome all else

Despair claws through my brain As I try to figure out what is going on The fear of failure is almost overwhelming I want to succeed in what I do I don’t know how I am going to go about it Without looking like a flopping fish out of water I feel like the more I try, the more I fall Into a dark ceaseless pit of nothing Where I will continue to fall further down Without a way out, a way to escape it I ponder the feelings I have right now Like I am incomplete, a failure, an idiot who can’t finish anything These seem stupid now to sit and ponder on When I can go out and do something about them I will continue the search to find what will complete me Knowing that a failure is one who stops trying, I will continue to try and succeed Being called an idiot is just something a person says to get to me I know I can finish things So what is the point of letting these things bother me? Instead of despair clawing to get attention Now there is courage that replaces it The courage to keep going through life Instead of letting the fear cripple me It will empower me to prove everyone wrong To prove that I can achieve what I set my mind to I am my hardest person to please I don’t bow down for anything When I see myself lacking I get angry If I succeed in something I am pleased But why does it feel like it is someone else I am working for? Is it just an excuse? Or just a way to get me to work harder I push myself hard, sometimes maybe a little too hard But it seems to be the only way to be motivated The only way to get things done right.

Why is it that whenever I need to cry, There are never enough tears in my body? My ducts forever seem so dry, Like a barren desert waiting for a downpour The one dearest to me will hold my hand Walking me down the hardest path, How come every time I start to hope That you are near, you fade away like a spirit of love? A specter in the distance Floating just out of my reach Dashing my hope to tiny slivers of painful tears Doing irreparable damage to my mind But knowing who I am and what I am, I know I will succeed in moving on For I am that strong-willed, loving person I am smart and talented, whether I will win you back Or move on and find someone new, I will succeed Don’t push me down, don’t hold me back, just let me go.

At a crossroads as to what I should do My mind wants one thing my family wants another My thoughts and feelings are so misconstrued Every time I think about it, it seems like such a bother. I feel like if I go one way I hurt someone on the other end No matter what I do, there is nothing I can say A person out of my life with each action will send. Should I go back or should I stay here, What would happen if I decide not to choose? Losing someone in my life is something huge I fear, My life will be different if anyone of them, I loose. A decision must be made soon I still am not sure what to do I fear that any choice I make will make me into a loon On these, my mind must continue to chew. In the end, the decision is up to me Though each bit of advice will be held in my mind Each loving “I miss you” is a delightful treat All of these things though do not fully bind. Though I will have my friends and family always What I have to do, is what feels right to me I know I have both in so many ways What I need for me, is just to see. My spirit and mind, they so need to be free Of all problems and bindings that surround them And though in me head I have my dreams Reality must set in so I can do the best for me.